Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
