He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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