dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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