Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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