i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize