I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
