I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
