i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
