I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
