I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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