I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
