Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
