Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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