guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
