she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
