:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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