i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
