In the future we'll all be gay
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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