Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
ttyl tear gas
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
