oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize