Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
