"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
