I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize