thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
