He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Dick very happy bro
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
