true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
smell my finger.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
