im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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