so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
