i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize