I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It's like God shit irony all over that family
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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