I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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