Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
