he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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