Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
