Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
