ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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