before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
