Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
