everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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