The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
