No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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