Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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