chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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