i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize