it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If I die, sorry about rent.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
