Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
