and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
