I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
