I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
