Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
