I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
