Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
