Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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