Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Alive.
So much puke
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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