What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
