Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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