hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize