So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
