If that was your dad, he is hot
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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