it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
