It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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