so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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