I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
