I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
