someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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