It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
