We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
