So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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