Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
