So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Randomize
