I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
