Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
