I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
