i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
