If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
