First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The uberlube is also flammable
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just forgot I was standing up.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
