Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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