textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize