so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
