my vag is so smooth its legendary
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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