i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
