if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize