As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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