This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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