the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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