This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
