I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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