So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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