Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
His hands were made for my vagina.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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