Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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