You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
