the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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