U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm jealous of your bromance
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
