they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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