you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
