I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
